Free | One Little Word 2017

January 1, 2017

If you are unfamiliar with One Little Word, it is essentially a word that is your theme for the year - mine for 2017 is
 Free. 

Let's get real here for a minute. For the last 5 years, we have been struggling with infertility. For the last 5 years, I have struggled with varying degrees of depression and heartache. While some may not define heartache as a medical or emotional illness, it had the effects of both on me. 

I have fought, and fought hard to regain peace and joy in my life. I have clung to my faith only to lose it and then find it again. I have discovered you can actually survive one of your worst fears realized. I have carried around chains forged of guilt, fear, anger, resentment and bitterness. 

And now, finally, I am ready to be free.

Healing hasn't come all at once fore me and I don't believe that my broken heart will ever quite be the same. My heart however, has transformed into a newer, softer, more empathetic version of it's former self.  I have known that 2017 would be my year of free for a few months now. I felt it. Much like the anticipation of graduation day, my whole being was ready.

Free is taking on a two-fold mission for me this year, free from and free to

Free from is all the things I'm attempting to let go of. Those chains I spoke of earlier, we are throwing them overboard without looking back. When I say we, I am referring to Me, Myself, and I. While we have not permanently closed the door on growing our family, it is time to move forward. I'm letting go of the fears that have held me back. The inadequacy that taunts me from the far corners of my mind - as of today, she has received an eviction notice.

Free to is in reference to all the things I want to do. All the projects and ideas bounding in my head, that have been riding the bench for far too long. Guess what? They are all going to get a chance to play this year. The light is green to take chances, to grow, to explore. Freedom to be something other than what I thought I would be. Free to change, free to try.

How light I feel just writing those thoughts down. Just saying out loud that I've giving myself to fail without consequence of the peanut gallery of doubt chiming in, is invigorating.

Yep, I'm ready.

You better watch out 2017 because I am coming for you.
{But in a good way, like I'm going to do all the things, conquer the world, in a sassy, girl boss kind of way}

XOXO,

Holly



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